“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.”
― Søren Kierkegaard
So here we are again, at the end of 2023 already. It’s hard to believe! As usual, it’s time for me to reflect on the past year and think about how I can make changes so that 2024 won’t just be a 2023 2.0.
Intro:
This year, I can’t even count how many times I’ve had a nervous breakdown. Most of this year was spent focusing on my job, enhancing my coding skills, and building my Android portfolio, rather than other activities. As the year comes to an end, I realize I haven’t been working on improving my life’s current status.
Weird Individuals who made my 2023 all the more bizarre:
And this year alone, I unintentionally encountered some weird people. One tried to bomber me with a constant barrage of pessimism while another tried to scam me. Here are the three most notable individuals who take the title of ‘Weirdest People I Encountered in 2023’ in my life. And the award goes to…
The forever pessimist – A Russian guy who kept giving me reasons not to hope for a better future:
Let’s start with this dude: the walking argument against optimism. When you talk about 2023, there’s something you can’t ignore: the Ukraine war. And there’s this giant nation that is in the hot water: Russia. It all started with just a casual chat on an app called Boo.
I was just looking to make some international friends for enjoyable conversations, but that’s when I started this wild ride with this walking pessimism. He shared that he’s originally from Russia and had been moving across Europe to evade potential capture by Russian influences.
At some point, he began texting me daily, saying he didn’t have many friends in Georgia, where he was staying at the time, and was apparently struggling with loneliness. I was also short on friends then, so I responded every time he messaged me. But soon, things started to take a turn for the worse.
“AI (Artificial Intelligence) is going to replace us all soon. I’m starting to regret becoming a software engineer,” he texted me during my busiest month at my software engineering job. It wasn’t just once or twice; he repeatedly voiced this gloomy outlook about our profession, giving me plenty of reasons to doubt a brighter future as a software engineer.
That was just the beginning of the barrage of negativity he directed at me. He called himself ugly and believed he was unfit for a relationship, blaming women for his situation. He claimed that Western women had been brainwashed by what he described as a ‘man-hating vortex’ and their demands for what he considered illogical gender equality. Therefore, he expressed a preference for dating Asian women, particularly Korean, whom he perceived as not yet being ‘brainwashed’. Simply put, he was both sexist and racist.
“In the modern world, girls >>>>>>> boys” he just texted me like this, and firmly believed that women are always prioritized over men. Occasionally, he would share music videos of his favorite Korean female artists, but I didn’t find them particularly exciting at all.
One after another, he kept bombarding me with texts filled with astonishing levels of pessimism. ‘If the Russian government catches me, I’m done. They’ll kill me. I’m screwed,’ he’d text me.
Enough was enough – I didn’t have much choice but to eventually block him. And that was the end of the relentless wave of Russian pessimism.
The ultimate scammer – A Brazilian woman who deceived me for five months:
I should’ve seen the signs; there were plenty of red flags. On the same app, Boo, I met a Brazilian woman who claimed to be half-Japanese. Despite saying she had grown up in Japan since childhood, her written Japanese was odd and full of grammatical errors.
She claimed she was pursuing a PhD in artificial intelligence at a university in London. Looking back, I realize everything she told me was likely a lie. She also had a tendency to portray herself as a victim.
Furthermore, she once shared that she was sexually assaulted during a trip to Hokkaido in 2013 and that the incident left her emotionally scarred, making it difficult for her to date men. Interestingly, when I shared my experience of contracting covid, she messaged me the very next day claiming she had also caught covid and wanted me to emotionally stay with her.
To make her story more credible, she even had an Instagram account, which was strangely created just a few days before we became friends. The account was mostly empty except for a few South American friends. On this account, she posted pictures with her younger sister, trying to make her online presence as believable as possible.
Everything seemed suspiciously well-timed and strange. Whenever I suggested a video or voice call, she always refused.
Then one day, she came to me with an unbelievable story.
“My bank account has been hacked, and I can’t access my savings. Could you lend me 200 pounds? With that, I think I could make it through the next month by cutting out unnecessary expenses.”
Once again, it was over – the time had come to end my involvement with this scammer. This was the first time I had nearly been scammed by someone, and I learned a lot from this experience.
The real-world horror show – a Japanese elderly man who (unintentionally) exposed his quirks during a group discussion
After the aforementioned encounters with weird individuals, I began to question the value of online friendships. This skepticism prompted me to participate in real-world events through Meetup. Initially, it was refreshing to engage in conversations with people face-to-face. However, the situation took a turn with the introduction of a man who had a distinctly peculiar communication style. He was someone who, regrettably, displayed his quirks openly in social settings. A man incapable of holding a civilized conversation and who embodied the very essence of misery.
The Meetup group I was a part of focused on language exchange. Japanese individuals looking to practice English and foreigners eager to improve their Japanese skills would join these events. The discussion topic at that particular time was “What aspects of Japanese culture do you love?”
To be honest, my affinity for my own country is moderate at best. Frankly, this topic didn’t resonate with me. During the conversation, when I expressed some critical opinions, this individual abruptly interrupted with a loud outburst, desperately trying to shift the direction of the discussion. This interruption was more disruptive than humorous (And, I’ll skip the details of the conversation for now).
In this scenario, there was also Emily, an Australian lady who organized the group. She’s a formidable presence, physically robust. However, her reaction to the man’s outburst was to respond with screams, not once but twice. This incident will likely be remembered as one of the most peculiar moments of 2023.
To clarify, while this was supposed to be a discussion, it hardly qualified as one. My interaction with this individual was minimal. After witnessing his dramatic outburst, the possibility of a civilized conversation was almost impossible. The incident was a combination of comedy, tragedy, and horror, culminating in a singularly odd experience.
I want to point out that his behavior was entirely unacceptable by global standards. Yelling during a conversation, as he did, might have been more common in Japan during the 70s, 80s, and 90s, but it’s certainly not acceptable in today’s modern, civilized world, particularly in Western cultures. The group that day included Emily and another American lady, both of whom were taken aback by the incident.
What was going through his mind? Did he believe his behavior was justified simply because of his age? And more importantly, didn’t he realize that such behavior might be seen as bizarre or even unhinged from a foreigner’s perspective?
I was upset, but not specifically about his particular behavior. Rather, I was upset by the fact that someone could be so lacking in awareness that they didn’t realize their behavior could be perceived as irrational, especially for their age.
Enough is Enough:
The individuals I’ve mentioned were undeniably odd and even offensive. As the year ends, I’m desperate to inject new life into my daily existence. I’m exhausted from all the ridiculous drama that brings no joy and has even made me feel miserable.
I used to view life as an experiment where meeting even bizarre people could be enlightening. But I’ve reached my limit. It’s time to conclude this ‘experiment’ and seek some stability.
Whenever I meet my friends, there’s an unspoken pressure, as most of them are already married and with children. Enough is enough – I just want to have meaningful and respectful conversations, free from any hostility.
Hopes and lessons from 2023:
However, when I reflect on it, this year wasn’t all bad. I realize I’ve focused mostly on the negative aspects in this essay, but I also met some wonderful people. At Emily’s meetup, I befriended a guy from Malaysia who, as it turns out, was also struggling with loneliness and the closed mindset of Japanese society.
He invited me to a Rakuten AI event, and we also visited an Indian curry shop together to savor authentic Indian cuisine. During these outings, we shared our thoughts on life in Japan, discussed ways to advance our tech careers, and talked about various life-related topics in general.
He wasn’t the only new person to enter my life. As I began going out more compared to last year, I gradually allowed new people to become part of my life, step by step.
I’m still grappling with internal struggles and am not particularly happy at the moment. But this is my reality, and life goes on.
Life is a constant stream of unpredictability:
This year has reinforced the idea that life is a constant stream of unpredictability. I’ve always known my life to be unpredictable, but this year proved it yet again. I’ve learned that living a life strictly according to plan is nearly impossible.
Take, for instance, the scenario of wanting to master Mandarin Chinese. You buy a textbook from Amazon and note its number of chapters. You set a goal to finish the book by the end of March 2024, for example. You diligently stick to your plan, covering one chapter a week. But think about it – this plan is based on the assumption that life will continue as usual tomorrow. But is that a certainty?
Life is inherently unpredictable. There’s no assurance that tomorrow will unfold as you envision. It could bring something so extraordinary that it disrupts your original plan.
Lesson from the pathetic old man:
The lesson here is that the more you try to control something, the greater the likelihood of ending up frustrated. Consider the earlier example of the old man who desperately tried to shield his own world, where no one criticizes Japan, during the discussion. Did he achieve his goal? Perhaps, in a way, because everyone, including myself, was taken aback by his odd behavior. But did he really get what he wanted? I’m not so sure. While he may have diverted the topic through his outburst, he also likely damaged his reputation within the group. If you had been there, would you view him the same way as before? I doubt it.
Lesson from the pessimistic Russian guy:
Life is unfair. Of course, you can blame others for your circumstances. Sometimes, it’s true that people can hurt you with their actions or misuse of language. However, if you continuously blame the world for your struggles, constantly recounting your traumatic experiences to friends and family seeking sympathy, you might find yourself isolated. By the time you realize it, people may have moved on, and your situation could worsen. Yes, life is unfair and often challenging, and the aspects of life we can control are limited. But you have the power to change how you respond to your circumstances. It’s in your reaction that you find strength. My experience with the Russian guy taught me that perpetual pessimism leads nowhere.
Lesson from the bizarre Brazilian scammer:
You can’t always trust what you find on the Internet. Just as I learned while searching for a potential relationship, relying too heavily on someone else means sacrificing your independence and the ability to rely on your own strength to navigate life. Also, placing too much trust in something or someone can restrict your freedom. As I mentioned earlier, life is a constant stream of unpredictability. Her presence in my life was just another reminder of that fact.
A true meaning of freedom:
The definition of freedom can differ from person to person. For some, it’s about having the basic human rights to criticize their government, while for others, it’s the liberty to freely express themselves through artistic creation.
To me, freedom is about having choices. With multiple options available, you can select the one that best suits your needs. I firmly believe that this kind of freedom is enabled through skills – whether it’s the ability to code, speak a foreign language, or create unique designs.
Having in-demand skills that align with societal needs opens up these options for you.
The game changer in my career:
Speaking of skills, let me discuss the skills I gained through my career, especially this year. This year, I learned a great deal about myself, particularly through my job. Shell script was the language I used most, and I excelled in it. Not many people at my workplace were familiar with shell scripting, but I proved myself, despite some initial doubts from my colleagues about my capabilities.
Looking back, I realize that no one ever taught me how to use Linux; it was all self-learned. It began with the daunting terminal screen, navigating through directories using only command lines. When I first discovered this new toy, I was captivated, and it eventually became a crucial part of my career.
While many struggle with using Linux as their main operating system, I embraced and continue to love it. Its unmatched level of customization and freedom was simply irresistible to me. I feel like I can almost breathe it. I have this intuitive sense of how to build a shell script from scratch and can easily pinpoint issues in them.
Batch processing:
Alongside shell scripting, there was another standout: Spring Batch. Batch processing was something I had never used or engaged with before. This framework, while based on Spring Boot, focuses more on batch processing.
Using it was enjoyable, especially since it operates on Linux servers. Building and maintaining batch processing architectures was an exciting challenge. All you really need to do from start to finish is write batch-processing programs from top to bottom according to specification sheets. This includes tasks like retrieving data from the database, processing that data, and then passing it on to another process. Isn’t it exciting (maybe not lol)?
Conclusion:
In just a few hours, we’ll be saying goodbye to 2023 and welcoming a brand new year. This past year has been a learning experience for me through various interactions. I’ve gained insights into how to behave and, importantly, how not to. The year was challenging, as I struggled with mental instability and constant underlying fears – fear of aging, potential illnesses, and more. My anxieties led me to numerous hospital visits, only to find out I was mostly fine. But with age, there’s always this lingering fear of being left behind, of solitude, of not succeeding.
2023 was a year of many lessons, but the most crucial one for me was this: life is a constant stream of unpredictability.
Now it’s your turn. What are your hopes for 2024?
Photography:
Here are some of the shots I photographed with my Canon DSLR and Pixel 7.
