“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”
― Viktor E. Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning
Earlier this year, I was much more optimistic about my life and the world around me. However, as time goes by, it’s becoming increasingly challenging to maintain that optimism. One of the factors that contribute to my growing pessimism is the process of aging. As I approach my late 30s and move closer to turning forty in a few years, I find myself entering a stage where I must reflect on how I’ve lived my life and how I should navigate the years ahead.
My hidden conflicts with my cousin:
Seeing my cousins from my father’s side has been a bit painful. They’ve all settled down, got married, and started their families, while I’m still flying solo. It’s been quite a while since I’ve been on my own. To be honest, my solitude has stretched on far too long that my external communications rely on meetup events.
There’s a bit of complexity in my relationship with one of my cousins, which only really surfaced in recent years. We hadn’t been in touch for over two decades, until the passing of my father two years ago. Then, last year, his mother, my aunt, and my father’s younger sister passed away from cancer.
The complication in our relationship seems to stem from our contrasting career paths. He followed a traditional sales route, much like his father, while I chose a different path as a software engineer. I think I’m the only one in our family who went into this field. It’s a career that I see as stable and promising for the future, in contrast to sales, which seems more uncertain.
I’m pretty sure he views me as a rival because of my career choice. He hardly ever asks about my job or how I’m doing professionally. There’s a certain hostility in his demeanor towards me, and I can sense it in the way he looks at me and acts around me. Although he had conversations with other family members, he never initiated conversations with me, and I responded in kind.
My struggles with Meetup events:
Since I began attending Meetups in May this year, I felt like I was on the path to reviving my life. There was this glimmer of hope that interacting with new people would breathe fresh life into my world. And for the first few months, it worked. I was able to be almost completely myself and genuinely made people laugh with my sense of humor. I thought I had found the solution I was searching for. However, as time went on, I started facing some challenges at these events, particularly with difficult individuals.
At one of the Meetup events, an older man raised his voice while talking, and that incident marked the start of a decline in my Meetup experiences. If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you might already know about my strong dislike for Japanese elders, especially old folks. For personal reasons, I’d prefer not to delve into the details here. If you’re interested, please check out this post for more information.
Since that incident, I’ve stopped attending events with that particular group. Instead, I’ve been trying out different events. However, being in my late 30s now, I’ve noticed the experience is somewhat different compared to when I was younger.
The harder I tried to improve the situation, the more I found myself facing challenges. I just couldn’t seem to fully enjoy the Meetup experience anymore.
Starving for satisfaction:
Finding satisfaction in my personal life has become increasingly difficult these days. I meet people and make new friends, but the outcomes often feel limited. Life was simpler when I was younger; my father was still alive, and despite not everything being perfect, I didn’t constantly worry about life. Now, in my late 30s, I sometimes feel like I’m still acting like I’m 25. There’s a societal expectation to behave according to my age, and even though it’s not always explicitly stated, I can clearly sense this unspoken pressure during interactions with peers and younger individuals, especially in Japan.
Some people think that our personalities change as we age, but I don’t really agree with that. I believe we simply grow older while maintaining our youthful mindset. This could explain why the older person might still act immaturely despite their age.
Overwhelmed by reality and beyond:
I feel stuck in life, and I believe a lot of this stagnation is due to the unique situation in Japan. It’s a country that doesn’t seem to fully embrace diversity. And when I talk about diversity, I’m not just referring to racial diversity – it’s more about the diversity of interests and passions among individuals. Some people might be passionate about learning foreign languages, while others are about playing music. Everyone has their own unique set of interests. By pigeonholing people based on their ethnicity or nationality, we’re only helping to create a less welcoming society for everyone, including ourselves.
Starting my meetups and my passion:
One reason I’ve been dissatisfied with the meetups I’ve attended is the lack of control I have over the conversations. I’m passionate about technology, my field of work, but most language-exchange meetups don’t focus on topics I’m interested in.
I want to engage in deeper conversations about tech, life, and challenges. These are the discussions that invigorate me and offer new perspectives that could be game-changers in life.
I believe it’s not about winning the game, but about changing it. As the saying goes, ‘Don’t be the best, be the only.’ Life shouldn’t be defined by your paycheck, but by the things money can’t buy. Even with access to the best education, there’s something you can’t learn from teachers: passion. Passion is something you develop through your experiences and interactions with the world.
Afterthoughts:
Life isn’t easy for anyone, myself included. I can’t predict the future, but I am certain that by continuing to engage with the world, I might find an opportunity to reignite my passion and discover a deeper meaning in life.