Blood relations don’t necessarily define a true connection.
At times, we tend to perceive life as a pursuit of acquiring things. Yet, there are instances when life also encompasses letting go of what is no longer essential.
“Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike.”
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Blood ties don’t always determine genuine connections. As I’ve mentioned in some of my previous posts, contracting covid revealed to me who my true friends are and who aren’t. It also sheds light on the true nature of my relationships with certain relatives.
While I was recovering from the profound depression I experienced over the past two years, part of the healing journey involved rebuilding new friendships and cultivating a renewed sense of hope. Simultaneously, it entailed gradually distancing myself from individuals with whom I didn’t share a meaningful connection or align in terms of values.
Here are three individuals from whom I chose to create some distance.
My cousin and his wife:
Following my father’s funeral, I noticed that my cousin and his wife, who reside in Tokyo, continued to regularly share photos of their artwork on Facebook. Given that they had attended the funeral, they should have been aware of the circumstances I was facing during that period. Yet, they persisted in posting without consideration, despite the fact that we are connected on social media and I might have come across their updates.
So, in the past year, I reached out to him via direct message. However, his responses were filled with excuses. Given that his livelihood revolves around his artwork, he does have to engage with clients from time to time. I do acknowledge that the world doesn’t revolve solely around me. Yet, I can’t help but wonder – why? Why didn’t he ever initiate a message with me? Why didn’t he consider adjusting his settings to hide his posts from me, especially during those periods?
However, I must confront the unspoken truth lurking in the background. I was aware that he might have taken some satisfaction from my struggles. I understood that his parents weren’t entirely supportive of his chosen profession. Particularly, his father held reservations about his pursuit as a silver accessory artist, which is admittedly not regarded as a stable career path. And everyone in our family knows about it.
On the flip side, I pursued my education in the US and entered the tech field after college. He was well aware of my academic and career trajectory. Despite the challenges I’ve faced along my career path, I’ve managed to acquire valuable skills. It’s possible that he and his wife found some level of satisfaction when I encountered setbacks in my journey in the summer of 2021.
I can no longer trust them.
My aunt:
She’s one of my mother’s elder sisters, and I actively steer clear of any interaction with her—I’ve even gone as far as blocking her number. Probably she’ll never understand why I keep avoiding interacting with her.
My mother once shared with me that my aunt dedicated her life to the church and to God. Yes, she became a nun at a young age. But is it an accurate portrayal to say she relinquished her life? Not really…
In her youth, Japan was still grappling with the aftermath of World War II. In that era, competition was fierce, especially among the baby boomers. So, how does a woman with minimal education navigate those times and earn a measure of respect? Step into the church and put on the guise of a saint.
I understand that my portrayal of her might come across as rather blunt, but considering her dubious actions and choice of language, I am confident that she is far from being a saint.
On a certain occasion during our conversation, she lamented about the fixed dinner time of 5 PM at the church. But has she ever paused to consider the billions of people across the globe who endure poverty and hunger? It might sound rather rude, but she doesn’t need to toil for her meals. Throughout her over 80+ years of life, what insights has she truly gained into life’s challenges? Likely none at all.
And this is merely scratching the surface of her questionable conduct. Case in point, she kept asking me about when I would settle down and get married. Yet, hold on a moment. She herself remains unmarried and hasn’t contributed to societal growth. Who is she to pass judgment on the choices I make in my life? At least I’m not shaping my life to meet her expectations. However, as I mentioned earlier, it’s likely that she will never grasp the reasons why I keep avoiding her.
Afterthoughts:
There’s often an inclination to view life as a constant quest for obtaining fresh possessions, experiences, and forming new connections. However, there are moments when life involves releasing what no longer holds significance. As I mentioned earlier, the past two years have constituted a journey of discovering what truly matters in my life. Concurrently, it has also entailed a process of shedding the non-essential. The intriguing aspect of this process of elimination is that it isn’t merely a loss; rather, it represents a form of gain.