Five Ways to Achieve Your Own Happiness in the Hard Times

“There is no standard normal. Normal is subjective. There are seven billion versions of normal on this planet.”
― Matt Haig, Reasons to Stay Alive

Just deal with it – Life isn’t fair. Our world is sometimes so obsessed with forcing the toxic self-responsibility notion on us. Our bad decisions, our behavior, and our choice of career path. But think about it. Is it really true? Is every decision we made our responsibility? Let me ask you some questions. Could you choose the year you were born? Could you choose your parents? Could you choose your gender? Could you choose your country? Granted, a large portion of our life is already determined when we were born. They’re definitely not our responsibility. Of course, we’re responsible for our own happiness, including career path, marriage, and friendships.

But – yes, here is a big fat BUT – the self-responsibility notion is a perfect ingredient to build a less friendly society where we have to face disproportionate blame for our bad decisions and mistakes. Is this the world we want? Is this the life our parents hoped for when we were born into this world? Of course not. We are allowed to pursue our dreams, happiness, and what really matters to us.

According to Our World in Data, 10.7% of the entire world population had mental health disorders as of 2017. The number would have skyrocketed by now all thanks to the recent global-level incidents, including covid, the Ukraine war, and the uncertain economy.

The reasons behind their mental health disorder vary. Maybe it could be their childhood traumatic experiences, abusive parents, bullying, or any form of harassment. I know that this world sucks. And if you’re suffering from any mental health disorder, it’s okay to be depressed. Because we’re living in such a chaotic and tumultuous world where it’s almost normal to be depressed at some point in life.

Here, let me ask you something. How many of you have never experienced any sort of bullying or harassment at home, school, or the workplace? I’m sure the number is almost nearly zero. We all have been through a lot during our lifetime. And it’s okay to feel sick, and I, for one, never believe anyone who claims they are strong enough not to be depressed regardless of their traumatic experiences. Think about it – they could be the ones who are severely depressed once but pretend as if they are somewhat okay. But that’s not really the case. Don’t be like them. They are the ones who put the lid on their own emotional pain and tweet some toxic nonsense, bullying someone on the Internet for their exposed weakness. They act like that because they have no idea how to deal with their emotional struggle and take it on someone else.

So, here is the deal. Maybe you’re still struggling with your past traumatic experiences or mental health disorder. There’s nothing you should be ashamed of that. It’s okay you can feel depressed. I’m the same. If you’ve read some of my other posts, you’ll know what I’ve been through. I’m not in a position to tell you what to do and how you should deal with it. But here, let me give you five possible options I can think of, which might help you can get through your journey.

1. Start a new life somewhere else

Isn’t it wild that the current world population is already reaching 8 billion? You can find your family and childhood friends in your little neighborhood where you have all sorts of your memories. But have you ever thought about starting a whole new life in a foreign country where no one speaks your native language? You can’t change your past but you can change your future. Think about it – just by jumping out of your comfort zone, you can find someone you never knew existed, and eventually that someone could be the one you can’t live without. Maybe you’ll start a new family there and never return. Or you don’t necessarily have to start a family, but just going travel is fine. Discover, learn, love, and grow. Maybe somewhere in the world, someone is waiting for you to be discovered.

2. Get a transferable skill

This is something to do with the aforementioned topic. Life should be as flexible as possible. Maybe at some point, you may feel that you want to leave your country and start a new life elsewhere just for a refresher. To do so, you’ll be required of having a transferable skill that allows you to get a job regardless of nationality. In my case, ever since I became a Java programmer, I’ve received a huge number of connection requests and job opportunities through LinkedIn both at home and from abroad. It doesn’t have to be programming, but something crucial for our modern world. Finding your passion for your possible international career could be one of your exciting journeys.

3. Find your own religion

Okay, when I say religion, it doesn’t refer to the traditional faith, but more to things you can be passionate about. Google, for example, is my religion. I love almost everything the search giant does with its wide range of product portfolio: Android, chromeOS, Google Drive, Next home, and the list goes on and on. In your case, maybe it could be watching movies, listening to music, reading comic books, or dancing. Whatever you love could be your religion. Believe in it, and immerse yourself in the world you can’t live without. It’s already the 21st century. Anything could be your religion.

4. Stop interacting with toxic people

You don’t have to deal with toxic people. RUN!! They won’t bring you any joy in your life. The only thing they bring into your life is the endless cycle of stress, depression, anxiety, and of beating yourself up for being the way you are. They don’t know your value and don’t even appreciate who you are. Think like this – they are our brutal teachers of how not to be. They risk their own reputations to teach us how that toxic behavior could hurt not only others’ feelings but also their own social reputations. Maybe we should appreciate them for being such nasty f*ck ass.

5. It’s okay to be irresponsible

You can’t be the perfect version of yourself 24/7. Sometimes you need to be relaxed and convince yourself that sometimes it’s okay to be irresponsible a little. No one is perfect or perfectible. Just forgive yourself for your tiny mistakes, because no one is eligible to point their finger at you considering the fact that everyone makes mistakes at some point. Step back, take a deep breath, and get some rest. When you’re ready to move on, start walking again at your own pace. Life is not a competition. It’s your own journey.

Afterthoughts

Just reading some mental health books or taking anger management lessons probably won’t solve your mental struggles. It’s all about your mindset about life in general. Forgive yourself for your tiny mistakes no one gives a damn about anymore. And maybe giving up the notion that you can’t change the past may help you deal with your struggles a little. By giving up all of those unnecessary thoughts, you can load them off your shoulders and start your new journey ahead. We may not be able to convince Putin to end the war. We may not be able to magically erase covid from the entire world as of now (But maybe there’s hope in the future thanks to any possible scientific discoveries). But as long as we breathe, we can hope. You’re not alone. I’m not alone. We’re the team here and we’re all together here.

Let’s fight for our happiness.

Someday, we’ll be an unsilenced voice together.