“The outer world is a reflection of the inner world. Other people’s perception of you is a reflection of them; your response to them is an awareness of you.”
― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart
Hi international friends,
Can you believe It’s already July? We’re officially halfway through 2022. And the middle of the year could be a perfect time to self-reflect and evaluate what you have been through during the first half of the year. You don’t necessarily have to be hard on yourself for not fulfilling your new Year’s resolutions. Not only will Self-reflection allow you to better prepare yourself for the second half of the year, but also it will give you a moment to reassess, restructure or change directions of your future plans.
So, here, let me share my self-reflections on the first half of the year, and how I can take advantage of them to make the best out of the remaining half of 2022.
Mental Health:
Life is never easy. And if you expect it to be, you’ll always disappoint yourself. In my case, however, it was unnecessarily too difficult last year that I kept asking myself “why does it have to be me? And do I really deserve it? Is my life supposed to be this difficult?” Losing my father to covid, and I, myself, caught the virus, the loss was earth-shattering that it reshaped my life forever.
Last summer was devastating. Not only did I lose my father but also I faced covid-related discrimination from my former physician. His cruel and inhumane choice of words is still ringing in my head and overshadows my life. But it was just the tip of the iceberg. There were a lot more toxic people who shamelessly revealed their true selves during my covid contraction.
As time went by, however, the pain gradually healed, and I physically almost went back to my former self. Still, my life is outweighed by the past trying to hold me back to the last summer. And there’s this notion that’s stuck in my head. The notion that my former physician who humiliated me with his horrible choice of words still lives his normal life despite his conduct is still unforgivable from my perspective. But given the fact that Japan has been organizing a society where they avoid facing socially hidden taboos, my online bad reviews of his clinic were all rejected and unpublished. I’m still somewhat struggling with how I should direct my inner dissatisfaction at. Can time heal my pain, the anger, and the anguish? Let’s see how it turns out…
Through my experience, I want you to be aware of the fact that words are way more powerful than we all think. While they can give someone hope and bring life into existence out of someone’s brokenness, they also hurt and scar like a knife. I want you to remember this; taste your words before letting them out. What you say about others says a lot about you as well.
Here is a quote from Mother Teresa
“Watch your thoughts, they become words;
watch your words, they become actions;
watch your actions, they become habits;
watch your habits, they become character;
watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”
The way we treat people who can do nothing for us is a report card of what we’ve learned about life, compassion, and kindness.
My Circle:
Having a hundred friends is not a miracle. A miracle is having a friend who will stand by your side when hundreds have walked away. You don’t need hundreds of friends, just a number of close friends you can trust. Paying attention to them is our priority.
And this is a reminder to myself as well. When I caught covid last year, there were two close friends who gave me a hand. Sharing my situation with someone else was never easy, and I thanked them for letting me share my darkest days with. If it were not for them, I wouldn’t be able to disclose my experiences with other friends on Facebook last month.
In addition to what I mentioned above, there is something I’ve been reminding myself of: never take someone for granted. It’s important to pay attention to all the wonderful things they do, and if possible let them know what you see.
And through the process of regaining my relationship with my friends and the world, I had to regain a relationship with myself. While I was out of touch with myself, I was longing for the completion that makes me happy again. No, I had to create my own happiness before sharing it with them. I know that our world is not fair and is not even perfect nor perfectible. They treat us unfairly and unjustly. Still, we have to keep hoping, dreaming, and living. Instead of trying to change the world as it is, why can’t we give them our support, leading by example? By doing so, we can make a difference, can’t we?
The digital world:
Given that my job is coding, my already strong relationship with the digital world has been even tighter. All-day, all night, not only have I been working on my personal project to release my first ever Android app to the Google Play Store, I’ve been preparing myself for tech certifications to further improve my career. Setting up a cheap PC as my home-network Linux server where I can save my personal files and programming manuals in, I’ve been enjoying my daily interactions with my favorite Linux machine.
As long as working in the tech industry, you need to upskill and reskill yourself all the time. But just like life in general, upskilling and reskilling are needed not only for those in the tech but also for everyone else who is in other industries. The day you stop learning is the day you die inside.
And through the process of reskilling myself all thanks to YouTube tutorials, Udemy instructors, and StackOverflow, I realized how much improvement I had made. And there is a lot more knowledge I need to get to be a full-fledged programmer.
Don’t settle where you are now and coast off what you’ve already known. Stir up learning motivations and enjoyment. There always is room for improvement, and it is our job to discover the next-generation theory to make our world a better place to live.
And don’t expect what you’re not willing to give. If you want to be successful, give value. It’s as simple as that. Plant a seed in your life and wait until the right time when they become the crop you can harvest.
Keep learning, keep growing.
Conclusion:
We’re already halfway through the year, and I’ve been through my ups and downs. Since last year’s darkest days up to this point, I can’t believe I survived all of the madness that I experienced. They treated me like trash and made me think I’m worthless. But I survived like a cockroach. They shamelessly revealed their true evil self and directed their hatred against me, but I survived like a cockroach. I know everyone else doesn’t like cockroaches, but I admire their survivalism and resilience. Whatever happens to me, I always remember my favorite mantra: As long as we breathe, we can hope.
And here is a reminder to all of you here. You are not your past traumatic experience. You are not your scars. You are not what someone else ever told you who you are. You are what you choose to become at this moment. The choice is always yours. Take a step back and deep breathe.
Let us begin…
