“If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out.”
― Lawrence Ferlinghetti
I used to enjoy my open-mindedness. Regardless of race, ethnicity, gender, and religion, I open-mindedly allowed everyone to have a space in my life.
My former best friend was a Muslim, and despite our religious and ethical disagreements, we enjoyed our cross-cultural friendship that lasted about five years.
Due to his job as a tour guide, he occasionally travels back and forth between Japan and his home country, Indonesia. Every time we meet, not only did we exchange our languages but also exchanged kindness. When he married a wife, he brought her all the way to Japan, and I congratulated him on his happiness. One time, he even invited me to celebrate an Islamic event held in the largest Mosque in Tokyo. Despite our fundamental difference and approach toward religion and science, we truly enjoyed our unique and diverse friendship and look for more years to come.
However, I learned the hard way that we can’t endure our fundamental difference, especially in challenging times. When I was at the lowest point of my life last year due to my covid contraction and the death of my father, he tried to direct me to have faith in his religion, Islam. And that’s something I couldn’t accept despite my challenging situation mentally and physically. Not only did I despise his attitude that seemingly took advantage of my weakness, but also started to doubt his level of intelligence.
Given the fact that Islam’s backwardness doesn’t match modern society’s values, such as its blanket denial of science, its outdated treatment of women, and inhuman attitudes towards sexual minorities, I encountered fundamental disagreements with him a number of times. Since he grew up in a community that blindly believes that Islam is the absolute truth, it seemed that he never had a chance to cast questions about his religion. And his biggest problem was that he tried to force his view on me despite my strong opposition to his outdated beliefs.
My curiosity towards computer science and mathematics was the key to regaining some hope from the devastating reality. However, when I had an online conversation with him, he implied that religion is the only way to save me from my sufferings, not science. Not only did he downplay my mental instability, but he also ridiculed science and mathematics. His ignorant and reckless choice of words nailed the last nail in the coffin of our friendship to collapse.
Soon after my father’s death, our friendship also came to an end. The last text I sent him was filled with my morbid hate and fear not only towards his religion but also for himself. He once gave me the Quran as a token of our friendship, but I no longer own it.
Why did I allow him to have a space in my life? Why didn’t I see his level of intelligence earlier? Why did I even allow the friendship to last five years? My regrets were endless, and I asked myself those questions numerous times. My hatred toward him eventually sparked my Islamophobia. And not only did I start directing my hatred towards the religion and Islam countries, but also third world countries. His ignorance and backwardness made me realize that maybe I should only interact with those who share similar economic, occupational and social status, namely citizens of western and Asian democracies.
Recently, I started a language exchange app to make new friends. And I realize I became selective of people based on their nationality and religion. Since it’s a global app, I have a chance to meet a large number of people from various regions of the world, and it of course includes Islam countries. I exclusively avoid interacting not only with Muslims but also with those who reside in developing countries.
Since I grew up mostly interacting with the American liberals and their open-mindedness, I believed in the power of diversity. However, I became less open-minded and receptive to the influence of those who have different ideas about life. My open-mindedness used to allow me to explore the world of new ideas through interactions with new people, and I collected every bit of those experiences. However, my extremely challenging experience changed everything. I became selective, judgemental, and critical of those who have unfamiliar backgrounds, and would never allow them to have a space in my life. It was the end of my open-mindedness.
So, this is my story. What do you think about it?
Here are some shots I photographed in the largest Mosque in Tokyo when my friend invited me to join the religious event. (Date: June 2017)
