Self-Reflection on My Career

“It is an absolute human certainty that no one can know his own beauty or perceive a sense of his own worth until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of another loving, caring human being.”
― John Joseph Powell, The Secret of Staying in Love

Towards the end of September, we have only three months left until the end of this chaotic year. From wildfires to the global pandemic, US presidential campaign, Brexit, and BLM, I can’t believe this whole thing has happened in a single year. It even seemed that we’ve been through a century.

I wish I were experiencing simulations that are running every possible nightmarish scenario and wake up to reality someday. But this is the reality.

Still, time doesn’t stop for anybody. We have to carry on. Come to think of it, it’s not as awesome as it seems to be living in a historic age.

Usually, I don’t write about myself on this blog. But today, I somewhat felt a need to write it down and share my inner thoughts here.

Listening to an inner voice that demanded experience as a programmer and giving my long-time dream of being a web developer a shot, I left a company I had worked for seven years at the end of 2019.

32 years old. Having started my long-awaited career as a programmer, I had a mixed feeling about my future career. Still, I had a sense of surety about the tech world and my position in it. I hoped this year would be awesome.

I’m now 33 and soon will be 34 by the next year. Still struggling with my job and constantly feel inferior to my teammates. It’s especially because of my lack of experience as a programmer and the fact that this job requires some sort of intuitions. To acquire those intuitions, you’ll need some years of experience. I wish I could have been a programmer a little earlier: maybe at-least mid-20s. Is it too late to be a programmer from the 30s? I don’t know. My supervisor told me he started coding Java since college. He is a stark reminder of what I could have been if I met programming a little earlier.

During my 20s, I was constantly drawing in regrets and was searching for a place where I can find myself. Midway through my 30s, I’m still searching for it and struggling. I am less confident than ever before. I feel no sense of surety about this world.

At least, I’ll keep working as a programmer until the end of this year and see how it goes. I just can’t let it go simply because I can’t live my life without going after my dream. Yes, dream. As I named my blog Canvas of Dreams, dreams define who we are and what we are capable of.

As a dreamer, it might be too early to give up on my dream.

And most importantly, for my readers, I really hope you also achieve your goal despite the current circumstances.

Let’s fight for our happiness.

Keep walking, keep learning, and keep growing.

Lastly, here are some shots I photographed in my apartment room…