“Being a woman is a terribly difficult trade since it consists principally of dealings with men.”
― Joseph Conrad, Chance
How are you guys doing in the week of the global lockdown?
Anyways, since I have to stay home along with other residents of the Greater Tokyo region, I have plenty of time for blogging during the weekend.
So, let’s dive into the main subject: Women’s reality.
I’m a man and straight. Little do I know that I don’t live their reality. But a Huffington post’s article written by Gretchen Kelly that was published a few years ago changed my view towards women and how they live this reality that is unkind to them.
She described an average women’s reality with some examples based on her own experiences. Things like the moment when a girl at the tender age of 13 was stared at her breasts by an adult man her dad’s age. The moment when a boy in English class sent her an angry message just because she turned him down. The moment her supervisor regularly pats on the ass. That moment she has to be on guard when she walks into a store.
It’s so frequent and pervasive, it becomes something they deal with every single day.
They de-escalate. They minimize it. Both internally and externally. They want to avoid angering boys and men. So, they minimize it and swallow their anger. They learn it at a young age: the art of de-escalation. Their risk-management skills accumulated from younger age tell them what their reaction should and shouldn’t be.
Does he seem volatile or angry? Check.
Are there other people around? Check.
Will saying something impacts her school/job/reputation? Check.
In a matter of seconds, they go through the mental checklist, then decide to say something or let it slide.
She wrote it’s the reality of being a woman in this world.
When they’re walking alone at night, they take their phone out, and their finger is positioned over “Call” button.
They position their keys between fingers in case of a possible danger.
They don’t tell those things to their friends or their partners, because it’s a part of their lives. But some of them still suffer from those memories that hunt them of that time they were being abused, assaulted or raped.
Until I read the article, I simply didn’t know how often it happens to them. I just haven’t lived their reality.
Maybe their silent sufferings lead them to start the #MeToo movement that rolled around the world. And maybe it’s time for us to give them a listen.
My hope is that this post gives you a glimpse into women’s perspective, and hopefully, we could change how we act towards women.
Finally, here are some snapshots I photographed in Shimbashi, Tokyo, at the end of last year.
